Automatic vs. Intentional
Wednesday, February 1st, 2012When you first start out dating, and then in the early stages of marriage, most of the relationship is automatic. You are running off of emotions and hormones that drive each of you to be nice, be considerate, spend time together, and tend to one another. But eventually, marriage happens, life kicks in, kids come along and things change.
Most people think that the early stages of love—that chemically induced time of bliss and ease—will continue indefinitely. After all, they are “in love” and have found “the one” that will make the rest of their days as euphoric as the honeymoon phase.
But that’s not the way it works. The reality is this automatic phase is short-term (lasting six months to a couple of years) and when it fades away your marriage and your sex life must happen on purpose. You have date night on purpose. You plan to have sex on purpose. You make time for each other on purpose. Couples who don’t make the transition from automatic to intentional have marriages that suffer the most.