Posts Tagged ‘dating’

In these days of hook-ups, serial dating, friends with benefits, stay-over relationships and other such collective stupidity, I can understand how the real purpose of dating has gotten lost.  Just to be clear and fill in the blank for those of you who are wondering…the whole point of dating is to find someone you love and want to build a life with and to get married. I know people “date” for all kind of reasons—anything from boredom, and loneliness, to getting sex or boosting their egos—but none of those should be the motivation to date. It’s pretty straightforward people: If you don’t want to get married, then don’t date.

I frequently hear young couples say things like this: “We’ve been dating for three years but we just can’t afford to get married yet.” “I’m just not ready to settle down.” “I want to complete my education and get established before I think about marrying.” Why in the heck are you even dating to begin with?

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There is a great song by Michael Buble titled “Everything”. It’s quite romantic actually, as he is telling his girl how important she is to him:

You’re a falling star, You’re the get away car.
You’re the line in the sand when I go too far.
You’re the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you’re the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don’t pretend, that you don’t know it’s true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

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There are things in life that we typically don’t think twice about until something changes or impacts our normal day-to-day activities. For instance, usually there is no reason to be concerned about things such as saying hello and greeting someone with a handshake or a hug. But that can change dramatically during times of crisis or epidemic (real or potential) and people have to consider that they are not in a “business-as-usual” situation. Take for instance the recent scenario of H1N1 in our country. For the first time people in the public sector were dealing with something that would ordinarily never be an issue. Even pastors at churches were making decisions as to the safety of something as simple as greeting those around you at a Sunday morning church service. Again, the rules changed because of the circumstances around us.
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Way too many women are dating guys thinking they can change or morph them into the man they want him to be. It would be far better to just find a guy that is more of what you want. If he’s a frog, you aren’t going to turn him into prince charming. You need to move on. I don’t know what it is in the female psyche that makes women think that the bum will be different when they are married.

If you don’t like the fact that he isn’t a devoted follower of Jesus, or that he smokes or is a slob, or whatever—you fill in the blank—but think by some “magical cosmic force” he’ll be different once you are married, you are fooling yourself. Women will say they want a solid Christian man, someone with a good job and a wonderful mother but date a guy who stays in bed and watches TV rather than going to church, can’t hold a steady job and whose mother is a banshee. Then they think these things will go away, won’t matter or that they can change him. These ladies are in for a ton of misery.
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Pastors everywhere deal with many of the same issues when it comes to dating, marriage and sex. One of the things that you will hear most of them say in regard to this area is: Before marriage you can’t keep them out of bed. Then after they’re married, you can’t get them back into bed! And it’s true even of Christian couples. Despite the fact that they may have taken a purity pledge, or committed themselves to waiting, lots of people end up having sex before they are married anyway. Then after they tie the knot, far too many find themselves in sexless marriages. For those of you who aren’t aware of what that means, a marriage is considered “sexless” if you engage in sexual activity less than ten times a year. And if statistics are correct 15-20% of couples fall into that category. Judging by all the people I hear from, I believe that the problem affects an even greater number of marriages than that.

While there are many possible reasons for couples having little to no sex—from pornography and health issues to overbooked schedules and kids—there is one area I would like to address that can have a huge impact, especially in the early months and years of marriage. I hear frequently from people who knew it was wrong to become sexually involved while dating, yet they tripped up and committed the sin. Afterward they feel badly and let the guilt and remorse interfere with their sex lives years into the marriage. They see it as bad and sinful, even though they are now married and should be sexually active with their spouse. In some extreme cases, they never consummate the marriage or perhaps only have sex to try to get pregnant.
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