Posts Tagged ‘affair’

One of the first words that a child learns is “no”.  A small toddler knows what it means and it is an early entry in their verbal vocabulary as they wobble around repeating, “No, no, no” everywhere they go.  Even a dog will quickly learn the word when you are training him.  Yet while it is one of the earliest concepts that humans acquire, and extraordinarily simple to understand, many people never grasp the word or learn to act on it.

It is imperative that we get the whole idea of “NO!” drilled into our heads, learn to deny selfish desires and feelings, and do the right things in life. If you don’t get this, you will live a life that is nothing but a series of disasters that leave a wake of destruction in your path.

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Is what Jesus said true? Seems like a pretty straight forward question. Born again Christians who believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God would quickly give an emphatic “yes” as an answer. But I would like to challenge believers in an area where they say Jesus’ words are true but aren’t necessarily living like it. It’s a rather sad indictment on Christianity today that we even have to ask: Is what Jesus said about divorce and remarriage being adultery true? What’s more shocking is that almost no one I ask seems to be able to give an answer to the question!

Divorce is common among people in churches today. Statistically, divorce is occurring among believers at the same rate as non-church couples—actually at an even higher rate than atheists! Christians are most often divorcing not because of an affair or sexual unfaithfulness but for any reason under the sun—everything from “my spouse isn’t meeting my needs” and “he/she isn’t my soul mate” to “we just can’t get along”. Sometimes very strict churches will take a real hard line and say that you can never remarry after divorce or else it’s adultery. They maintain that you must live alone for the rest of your life, no matter the circumstances, even if a person was divorced prior to becoming a believer. Undoubtedly, people have been hurt by that rigid stand. (more…)

Much has been written and broadcast in the media about high profile personalities committing adultery. It has struck the marriages of many people from Hollywood celebrities to politicians, sports figures to pastors and church leaders. While these cases are fodder for every talk show, news and quasi-news program, the reality for the rest of us is that many normal, average, ordinary people engage in adulterous affairs. Often times husbands or wives who end up in an affair are not totally miserable in their marriage, as most people assume. In fact, recent studies show that even those people who rate their marital relationship as “pretty happy” and “very happy” end up committing adultery. Affairs don’t only happen in bad marriages.

Researchers say that one of the greatest risk factors for infidelity isn’t what is going on inside the marriage, but something that is outside. That risk factor is opportunity. The state of your marriage isn’t necessarily the greatest indicator of infidelity, so you need to be very careful. Far too many people make the mistake of thinking, “Our marriage is just fine. We love each other, we’re solid and it would never happen to us.” Then they let down their guard and don’t pay attention to the situations they allow themselves to be in because they feel like they are safe. It’s the furthest thing from the truth. (more…)

Many married people are not having an active sex life for no other reason than they “don’t feel like it”—meaning they think they have to feel this great desire and/or a huge emotional connection at the front end or sex isn’t going to happen. In my last post I addressed the desire aspect of this flawed thinking. Now, I’ll dispel the myth regarding the requirement of a huge emotional connection.

Women, more often than men, get hung up on this one and think they have to have all these warm and fuzzy emotions to feel like they can get physical with their husbands. I’m not saying that you always have sex with no emotion or connection–that would not be a healthy relationship. But what I am saying is that sometimes sex can just be sex. The joining together of a husband and wife to get close to each other, relieve stress, enjoy the release and just have a good time enjoying one another–no romance novel level of desire or surge of emotions required! Again, much of this comes from the media—with chick flicks being a huge culprit.
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In my Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage seminar I explain in detail how a man’s brain tends to compartmentalize things. It’s like men have separate boxes in their heads for everything: money, sex, kids, wife, in-laws, etc. And for a guy these boxes don’t touch. He thinks about one thing at a time and then moves on to the next thing since one box isn’t connected to another.

Then I go on to explain how a woman’s brain is like a big ball of wire where everything is connected to everything and there is no compartmentalizing at all. Money can be connected to the in-laws and sex can be connected to the kids. Things can run together very easily in a woman’s brain.
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