Comments on: I Said I Was Sorry

By: Amy's Humble Musings » links for 2009-12-01

Amy's Humble Musings » links for 2009-12-01 — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:00:54 +0000

[...] I Said I Was Sorry Maybe you are trying to work through some issues in your marriage. Here is some advice: "Because of the way women are wired with all these connections in their brains, it’s more difficult for them to get past the hurt. It’s actually a really good thing for you guys because this is what allows her to put up with your nonsense!" It gets pretty real in the article later on, and I bet 14 of my girlfriends are emailing this to their husbands in 3…2….1… [...]

By: Skye

Skye — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:32:57 +0000

Send her a long-thought out letter. In time she will read it. Apologize for what you have done, why you love and need her. Tell her what you are willing to change and how you are going to make those changes happen. Best of luck toyou.

By: Anon

Anon — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:59:03 +0000

Words cannot adequately express how graciously overwhelmed I feel having just read this blog and, in particular, the final three paragraphs.

Thank you Mark and thank you God.

By: Barb Porto

Barb Porto — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:50:17 +0000

Your poor wife, being compared to an elephant. That is not nice, but probably very acurate when it comes to the woman’s mind and all that she keeps filed away. I can totally relate to that! I feel sorry for the men in our lives though. =0(

By: Barb Porto

Barb Porto — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:49:03 +0000

This is sooo funny. I know men and women are engineered differently, but you put it in everyday terms that apply too our daily struggles in anyone’s marriage. Grudges are hard to get rid off and although I forgive…………..I never forget.I have prayed over this issue for many years and after 18 yrs of marriage, I still struggle and have to bite my tongue at times.

Thanks for your insight.

By: Daryl

Daryl — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:41:20 +0000

This is certainly the case in my marriage. I used to call my wife the elephant because she never forgets…but now I know and understand why. It is one thing to say you are sorry, which men have to be very good at, but it is quite another thing to continually reinforce those words with actions that speak how sorry we are. As with all your comments this is a general thing and I think most men recognize that women operate differently and it does take time to resolve the things we do or say. I think the ‘sorry box’ is an easy way to assuage our guilt and remove from men the obligation to work at the real sorry ….our actions!

By: Vinnie

Vinnie — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:13:02 +0000

I’ve been to your entire course: Laugh your way to a better marriage, and yes I now see my wife in a different and better light. But boy-o-boy, it’s very difficult for my wife to say sorry for anything that she’s done wrong. She just simply beleives that she’s right in verything that she says & does, and that is difficult. Most times I can not tell her how I feel about something, because she will defend the thing I’m saying, even when it has nothing to do with her. Maybe woman should have an ‘apology box’, of vist their husband’s box sometimes.

By: Bee MacGuire

Bee MacGuire — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 05:52:51 +0000

Thank you so much for those comments, Mark. So often when we women try to say we are hurt, it is interpreted as an attack, is countered by aggression, and the wound is made even deeper.
There is so much kindness and compassion and justice n in that comment.Thank you again. It’s like suddenly having a knight in shining armour — as we learn to be our own.
On the other hand, to get back to the subject of these Mars-Venus conflicts, my son Nicholas commented very young that all of our arguments (between those who
love eachother) are based on misunderstandings. Often the first slight wasn’t meant to be a slight at all.
Oh, THAT’s what you meant.
Oh, THAT’s what you meant.
And everybody turns out to be well-meaning, after all.
What a profoundly healing experience when we get to that level.
All innocent. All US.
We have a saying in our house that goes like this:
It’s not enough that I win, you, my brother, my teacher, my other self, you have to win too,
or I myself lose.
Ditto!
Equality is the only relationship real love can tolerate. (All others require ass-kissing.)
The term US is the only pronoun real love can countenance. All others are based on the politics of exclusion.
Where do the boundaries of US stop? They DON’T!
The only outcome of a confict real love can ethically accept is win-win.
I love it that Christ hung out with blue collar people.
He was never a scarlet robed, prince of the church, kiss my ring type, of the sort who practice
the every opposite of his beatitudes,
The greatest saints were known for their humbleness. In that profound humbleness lies their true power.
Thanks again for all this, Mark.

Much love
xxxxx to you all,
from
Bee.

By: Tim

Tim — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:57:36 +0000

Thanks for the very helpful word about how women and men’s minds work. Qualified apologies are problematic especially when the heart is to defend your actions.

Now, maybe you’re saying this to make a point here but wouldn’t you say that 100 times is big number? There is a limit. I think it’s reasonable for someone bring up a hurt as they work through their feelings but at some point it’s not helpful. There’s a line between communicating hurt and manipulation. I’ve had people in my life who wanted to harm me with my mistakes so that I would be punished and sin no more. Still, it seems like the key is that “she’s still dealing with it”.

At some point you do have to move on… it just takes longer to move on than we like. I think that’s your point anyways.

By: Casey

Casey — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:32:53 +0000

Mr Gungor, I believe you need to give credit, where credit is due….. the above information is based off the book by Bill & Pam Farrel; Men Are Like Waffles–Women Are Like Spaghetti.