Comments on: Not Your Mother http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/ Improving Marriages, One Laugh at a Time Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:28:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: el http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-938 el Sun, 13 Sep 2009 04:46:06 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-938 i agree with melanie. men should become students studying their wives, as should women, studying their husbands. and marriage should be second only to God. i agree with melanie.
men should become students studying their wives, as should women, studying their husbands.
and marriage should be second only to God.

]]> By: melanie http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-932 melanie Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:33:13 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-932 IT SEEMS TO ME THAT AFTER FEW YEARS A HUSBAND SHOULD KNOW WHAT HIS WIFE EXPECTS FROM HIM FOR THE MOST PART. I KNOW WHAT MY HUSBAND LIKES TO EAT, WEAR, T.V. PROGRAMS AND SO ON. I'VE LEARNED THIS FROM BEING WITH HIM. OF COURSE WE ARE GROWING AND CHANGING AND WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS,BUT STILL THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT HE DOESN'T CHANGE, AND I KNOW THIS. AND I AM NOT THE ONE WHO HAS AN EYE FOR DETAIL, IT'S HIM !! IF WE AREN'T CAREFUL THIS ALL CAN BECOME AN EXCUSE FOR NOT STRETCHING IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS. MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT,THANK GOD BUT MEN ARE NOT STUPID. THEY LEARN WHAT'S EXPECTED FROM IN BUSINESS,SPORTS,ETC. AND THE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE FIRST ON THE LIST, NOT SOMEWHERE BELOW THESE OTHER THINGS. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT AFTER FEW YEARS A HUSBAND SHOULD KNOW WHAT HIS WIFE EXPECTS FROM HIM FOR THE MOST PART. I KNOW WHAT MY HUSBAND LIKES TO EAT, WEAR, T.V. PROGRAMS AND SO ON. I’VE LEARNED THIS FROM BEING WITH HIM. OF COURSE WE ARE GROWING AND CHANGING AND WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS,BUT STILL THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT HE DOESN’T CHANGE, AND I KNOW THIS. AND I AM NOT THE ONE WHO HAS AN EYE FOR DETAIL, IT’S HIM !! IF WE AREN’T CAREFUL THIS ALL CAN BECOME AN EXCUSE FOR NOT STRETCHING IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS. MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT,THANK GOD BUT MEN ARE NOT STUPID. THEY LEARN WHAT’S EXPECTED FROM IN BUSINESS,SPORTS,ETC. AND THE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE FIRST ON THE LIST, NOT SOMEWHERE BELOW THESE OTHER THINGS.

]]> By: leena http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-931 leena Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:08:16 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-931 Believe it's hard to just respect your man. We've been married for 8 years have four kids the oldest is 6. My husband once was firred and second time laid off from work, all because of being late to show up. At the same time I was responsible to get up at night every time when the kids were crying. I had to make sure everything is taken care of in the house even oil changed on time in cars. I was raised in the house when man is taking a responsibility and woman is here to help him. My life is a totally different story... My fourth baby was just 5 mos. old, when I had to go out and find a job. My husband is so passive, it's hard to express. It's almost impossible to make any reason with him. Just recently we had to pay huge fines, due to his behavior. And last week received a letter from bank that if we won't pay $4,0000 in 30 days the house will be reposest. How can i live with all of that and still respect him? We did go on Mark's seminar and have his DVD, but......... Believe it’s hard to just respect your man. We’ve been married for 8 years have four kids the oldest is 6. My husband once was firred and second time laid off from work, all because of being late to show up. At the same time I was responsible to get up at night every time when the kids were crying. I had to make sure everything is taken care of in the house even oil changed on time in cars.
I was raised in the house when man is taking a responsibility and woman is here to help him. My life is a totally different story…
My fourth baby was just 5 mos. old, when I had to go out and find a job. My husband is so passive, it’s hard to express. It’s almost impossible to make any reason with him. Just recently we had to pay huge fines, due to his behavior. And last week received a letter from bank that if we won’t pay $4,0000 in 30 days the house will be reposest. How can i live with all of that and still respect him? We did go on Mark’s seminar and have his DVD, but………

]]> By: el http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-917 el Sun, 06 Sep 2009 01:39:16 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-917 is being hurt an attitude? how about feeling unappreciated? feeling worthless? crying and asking, begging to feel my lifes work, taking care of him and 7 children was somehow considered a job well done. i have been encouraged knowing i did it for the Lord ultimately. and He appreciates my efforts. and truly my children are worth it, but i am saddened to think they did not see Gods best in their parents marriage. it had been very, very important to me to show Gods plans as being doable and successful and blessed. i still have to look at my husband in the face though, and i struggle to remember to separate the pain he caused me from the unconditional love i should have for him. i have to remind myself it is in the end his weakness that he could not treat me as i needed to be treated. but also in the end, he cheated himself. i wanted to be a better woman, and overcomer in my own weaknesses, but he refused to be a part of that when a needed a partner. so what he had as a wife was not all i had hoped to be, just a portion of the potential God had for me. life would have less struggle if we truly were thankful for eachother. life has its own problems to deal with, without adding childish selfishness. attitude. when men call us as having attitude, with their own attitude, who is he listening to spiritually? is the head of the household listening to our Father? if not Him, then whom? himself? or the one who promotes strife? where is the love in these christian men? my husband was a minister so i have heard more than most probably of marital struggles within the church. sex is more important than love to them. sure they want to be loved and respected as well. but far more effort is put into getting sex. sadly, if they could only comprehend, being loving, considerate, selfless, Christlike, would certainly get them much more intimacy and better, much better intimacy. is being hurt an attitude? how about feeling unappreciated? feeling worthless? crying and asking, begging to feel my lifes work, taking care of him and 7 children was somehow considered a job well done.
i have been encouraged knowing i did it for the Lord ultimately. and He appreciates my efforts. and truly my children are worth it, but i am saddened to think they did not see Gods best in their parents marriage. it had been very, very important to me to show Gods plans as being doable and successful and blessed.
i still have to look at my husband in the face though, and i struggle to remember to separate the pain he caused me from the unconditional love i should have for him. i have to remind myself it is in the end his weakness that he could not treat me as i needed to be treated. but also in the end, he cheated himself. i wanted to be a better woman, and overcomer in my own weaknesses, but he refused to be a part of that when a needed a partner. so what he had as a wife was not all i had hoped to be, just a portion of the potential God had for me.
life would have less struggle if we truly were thankful for eachother. life has its own problems to deal with, without adding childish selfishness.
attitude. when men call us as having attitude, with their own attitude, who is he listening to spiritually?
is the head of the household listening to our Father? if not Him, then whom? himself? or the one who promotes strife?
where is the love in these christian men? my husband was a minister so i have heard more than most probably of marital struggles within the church. sex is more important than love to them. sure they want to be loved and respected as well. but far more effort is put into getting sex. sadly, if they could only comprehend, being loving, considerate, selfless, Christlike, would certainly get them much more intimacy and better, much better intimacy.

]]> By: sarah http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-909 sarah Wed, 02 Sep 2009 03:33:52 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-909 God will help you , if you ask Him! God will help you , if you ask Him!

]]> By: sarah http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-908 sarah Wed, 02 Sep 2009 03:29:59 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-908 are you ladies christian women??? i mean, are we talking on a spiritual level here, or is it all about who's right and who's wrong. cause i tell ya, right and wrong has never brought Life into any relatinoship. I too, struggle with the times when my husband is not helpful and when i have to remind him over and over again of the things that have to get done. But i think that if a woman is not willing to try to understand a man\ ie her husband, than she shouldn't get married to begin with!! Let alone, respecting, loving unconditionally, edifying someone into improvement. Yes, there are times for confrontation. i have had great responses with 'mild explosions' on my part, but they had to be respectful of who my husband is, and his role in the family. Part of a man's makeup is that if he's not respected he'll withdraw and feel so insecure that he won't even think he can be helpful or productive. The way we say things are super important. i understand your points regarding what p. mark wrote about, i think his main point though wasn't so much how the wife interprets the situation but that if we can get a peek at how things work in their heads we'll be more patient, adopt a strategy and stop being so childish about it. let's not be selfish, and so what if i have to die to myself to love my husband into the man i know he can be??? PS. we are thankful for the army,but the army doesn't have to love and cherish until death do us part. can't compare what's not comparable. Marriage is the only institution that came out of the garden of eden. it's my choice to value it more than our differences. are you ladies christian women??? i mean, are we talking on a spiritual level here, or is it all about who’s right and who’s wrong. cause i tell ya, right and wrong has never brought Life into any relatinoship. I too, struggle with the times when my husband is not helpful and when i have to remind him over and over again of the things that have to get done. But i think that if a woman is not willing to try to understand a man\ ie her husband, than she shouldn’t get married to begin with!! Let alone, respecting, loving unconditionally, edifying someone into improvement. Yes, there are times for confrontation. i have had great responses with ‘mild explosions’ on my part, but they had to be respectful of who my husband is, and his role in the family. Part of a man’s makeup is that if he’s not respected he’ll withdraw and feel so insecure that he won’t even think he can be helpful or productive. The way we say things are super important. i understand your points regarding what p. mark wrote about, i think his main point though wasn’t so much how the wife interprets the situation but that if we can get a peek at how things work in their heads we’ll be more patient, adopt a strategy and stop being so childish about it. let’s not be selfish, and so what if i have to die to myself to love my husband into the man i know he can be???
PS. we are thankful for the army,but the army doesn’t have to love and cherish until death do us part. can’t compare what’s not comparable. Marriage is the only institution that came out of the garden of eden. it’s my choice to value it more than our differences.

]]> By: el http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-905 el Mon, 31 Aug 2009 05:31:47 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-905 wow, well said! i have several children and tried to have them understand the need to work as a team. my son really thought i was unreasonable and asking for too much. of course if it is a baseball team or a football team...a male mind then understands the meaning of teamwork. cooperation was too much to ask for the home though. well he joined the military and guess what? he was put in charge of a group of guys and it was his responsibility to make sure they did their chores and whatever else they were expected to do. if they didn't, then he had to do it himself or force them.(sounds like moms options) he spent many a night up all night making sure things were done. did it stick? during none military hours, only partly. i really think respect has a more prominent factor here. men want other mens respect more. they put more effort into their workplace, fun with their buddys, planning hunting trips ...telling tall tales... they want the respect of their wives, but many men don't honor their wives enough to put effort into their marriage. my husband was a minister. and he is probably one of the better guys around. he felt if he put all efforts into doing Gods work, then God would take care of the family. kind of like how missionaries put their children in boarding schools so they could freely go on their missionary trips. God gave them children, entrusted them with these babies, but somehow it didn't click they were worth their time as well. i don't see that in the Bible, but men decide their own priorities. my experience, is that if it is not one thing its another. if it is not ministry then it is some other noble cause he takes up. it definitely sounds better than losing them to the tv or video games, but i still lost a part of my life, that i really don't believe was asking for too much. and no, i did not start out a nag. i am certain i was one of the more compliant, understanding people around. yeah, even the personality tests agree. but because i was easy to put off, it became the style of our marriage. the thing is, he does not like being put off. he does not like me treating him the way he treats me. wow, well said! i have several children and tried to have them understand the need to work as a team. my son really thought i was unreasonable and asking for too much. of course if it is a baseball team or a football team…a male mind then understands the meaning of teamwork.
cooperation was too much to ask for the home though.
well he joined the military and guess what? he was put in charge of a group of guys and it was his responsibility to make sure they did their chores and whatever else they were expected to do. if they didn’t, then he had to do it himself or force them.(sounds like moms options) he spent many a night up all night making sure things were done.
did it stick? during none military hours, only partly.
i really think respect has a more prominent factor here. men want other mens respect more. they put more effort into their workplace, fun with their buddys, planning hunting trips …telling tall tales…
they want the respect of their wives, but many men don’t honor their wives enough to put effort into their marriage.
my husband was a minister. and he is probably one of the better guys around. he felt if he put all efforts into doing Gods work, then God would take care of the family. kind of like how missionaries put their children in boarding schools so they could freely go on their missionary trips. God gave them children, entrusted them with these babies, but somehow it didn’t click they were worth their time as well.
i don’t see that in the Bible, but men decide their own priorities.

my experience, is that if it is not one thing its another. if it is not ministry then it is some other noble cause he takes up. it definitely sounds better than losing them to the tv or video games, but i still lost a part of my life, that i really don’t believe was asking for too much.
and no, i did not start out a nag. i am certain i was one of the more compliant, understanding people around. yeah, even the personality tests agree. but because i was easy to put off, it became the style of our marriage.
the thing is, he does not like being put off. he does not like me treating him the way he treats me.

]]> By: Jay (a pilot also) http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-706 Jay (a pilot also) Tue, 11 Aug 2009 07:03:21 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-706 Once again, you give men the excuses they need to be un-loving an thought-less. READ THE BIBLE MARK UNGER ! Stop labeling selfish behavior as just "Man behavior" Sin is sin, it is just self centered. THe more you talk about your "man excuses", the further you get from the WOrd that describes as the "new SPIRIT FILLED man". Once again, you give men the excuses they need to be un-loving an thought-less. READ THE BIBLE MARK UNGER ! Stop labeling selfish behavior as just “Man behavior”
Sin is sin, it is just self centered. THe more you talk about your “man excuses”, the further you get from the WOrd that describes as the “new SPIRIT FILLED man”.

]]> By: Lisa http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-665 Lisa Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:26:15 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-665 This is such a major issue in my marriage and in so many marriages of my friends! If I let it, it will drive me right into the bitter barn and cause me to lock the door. Of course my husband's response when that happens is to figuratively disappear until I am happy again! I think the real issue here is not so much who does what in the household (although I do believe that all who live in the house should participate in taking care of it) but what are the needs I have that aren't being met? If I am exhausted from what I've done all day (and for women I think exhausted usually means emotionally as well as physically) I can't expect that my husband will see that--it's often not as obvious as I think it is. So I can make the choice to explain that I need a little rest and could he please clear the table or play with our young son or whatever for a while. He may want some time alone, too, but I also know that he loves me and if it's within his power to do what I've asked, he will. My problem is that I expect him to see and understand what is wrong with me and fix it, which is more the role of a parent. So when we women spend all of our time nurturing and caring for others, who nurtures us? Personally, I know that need is at the root of my problems with all this, and I am trying to continually go to God in prayer about it. And maybe that's what Jesus meant when he told Martha she was worrying about so many things and she should be like Mary, spending time with Him. I pray that all of us who are struggling to have fulfilling marriages may get better about including God in these kind of issues, too. I know that satan would certainly like to see us all fail. Peace. This is such a major issue in my marriage and in so many marriages of my friends! If I let it, it will drive me right into the bitter barn and cause me to lock the door. Of course my husband’s response when that happens is to figuratively disappear until I am happy again!

I think the real issue here is not so much who does what in the household (although I do believe that all who live in the house should participate in taking care of it) but what are the needs I have that aren’t being met? If I am exhausted from what I’ve done all day (and for women I think exhausted usually means emotionally as well as physically) I can’t expect that my husband will see that–it’s often not as obvious as I think it is. So I can make the choice to explain that I need a little rest and could he please clear the table or play with our young son or whatever for a while. He may want some time alone, too, but I also know that he loves me and if it’s within his power to do what I’ve asked, he will. My problem is that I expect him to see and understand what is wrong with me and fix it, which is more the role of a parent. So when we women spend all of our time nurturing and caring for others, who nurtures us? Personally, I know that need is at the root of my problems with all this, and I am trying to continually go to God in prayer about it. And maybe that’s what Jesus meant when he told Martha she was worrying about so many things and she should be like Mary, spending time with Him. I pray that all of us who are struggling to have fulfilling marriages may get better about including God in these kind of issues, too. I know that satan would certainly like to see us all fail.

Peace.

]]> By: missy http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/not-your-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-510 missy Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:37:09 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=437#comment-510 You are one of the lucky ones! It seems your husband makes great effort! I just tend to believe that if we, as wives, are expected to make great effort at "asking nicely" instead of demanding, then our husbands should make the effort to respond to our requests in a respectful and loving manner (i.e. not "okay, if you're going to nag me about it!") I believe that the wife deserves the same respect that the man DEMANDS for himself. If you're not getting it, you're not giving it. From your post, I can tell that you and your husband respect each other, and that your husband is worthy of your respect because of his efforts. Some of us are not so lucky. You are one of the lucky ones! It seems your husband makes great effort! I just tend to believe that if we, as wives, are expected to make great effort at “asking nicely” instead of demanding, then our husbands should make the effort to respond to our requests in a respectful and loving manner (i.e. not “okay, if you’re going to nag me about it!”) I believe that the wife deserves the same respect that the man DEMANDS for himself. If you’re not getting it, you’re not giving it. From your post, I can tell that you and your husband respect each other, and that your husband is worthy of your respect because of his efforts. Some of us are not so lucky.

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