Comments on: Marriage is a Dance

By: Susan & Mel

Susan & Mel — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:21:28 +0000

We will be celebrating 40 years of marriage in May. We have been taking dance lessons since ’97 when our two sons left the nest and now we teach it. Before then, we were like two butterflies in one cocoon; wrestling to learn how to be one, learning to be patient with each other, dealing with enormous health issues, constantly seeking God for guidance. When we started our dance lessons we finally began to understand how to lead and follow. A marriage cannot have 2 leaders! It was difficult for me to let him lead! Just like Mark said, “Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, don’t worry about what you don’t know, life’s a dance and you learn as you go!” Dancing helped us burst out of our cocoon! We now enjoy the freedom of being one but still enjoy being the individuals God designed us to be. I love being who we have become. Thank you Mark, we try tell EVERYONE we know about your wonderful and very amusing ministry.

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:14:34 +0000

Thanks Corrina….just got Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage in the mail today and can’t wait to watch it with hubby soon…hopefully tonight and I will search for that DVD you mentioned…..imarriage.

By: Dotty Wilinski

Dotty Wilinski — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 18:24:27 +0000

Hi Mark, I really liked the analogy you used. My spouse and I have been dancing for over 27 years and are even now in negotiations to restructure our dance steps. I have every confidence we will continue dancing for the rest of our lives. I also agree with one of your commenters that “…divorce is the most selfish thing one person can do to another.” I really wish people would seek out other alternatives before they go that route. Our young people are counting on us to show them the way. Let’s not let them down!

By: Alise Smith

Alise Smith — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 07:20:00 +0000

My husband and I have been married for 17 years, and our anniversary was two days ago, we never celebrate it, in fact after Christmas comes and new years, we never remember until after a day or two has gone by..and I was reminded that it was our anniversary by my husband saying that we forgot it again, gave a peck and said one day we’ll celebrate. I do think that we could both do with some marriage tapes on Love and respect as we have gone through some very rough times, not infidelities but just difficult life stuff that I believe has us both lacking in those areas. Any DVD suggestions are welcomed and my husband agrees.

By: Sandie Lakner

Sandie Lakner — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:47:45 +0000

‘The dance’ is such an important part of the marriage relationship. My husband and I were married in Ely, MN in July of 1960. We were young and our steps were erratic and we pulled apart and then fell back into each others arms many times. Today we are more a part of each other than ever before and our love is more precious than we could have ever imagined it would be. Last year I had emergency 5 way bipass surgery.
This bought us even closer. God is good and he teaches us the steps gently……if we listen. Thank you for the words of ‘the dance’.

By: Suzette Drake

Suzette Drake — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 06:23:33 +0000

Ellen, I am a woman who tries very hard to respect her man and while I don’t always succeed I am certain that I have learned (over the last 24 years) that respect is mostly about honoring his wishes, listening to what he says, giving him “say” and backing him up when he makes a stand. It’s also about what you DON’T do. Let me give you a couple examples.
My hubby has always liked to have all his “stuff” in an area around his recliner in the front room. I’m talking about remotes, snacks, newspaper clippings, rubber bands, bits and pieces of all manner of boy things and Lord only knows what else. The clutter drove me nuts so I would try to corral it anyway I could by organizing it and putting it in jars and baskets and whatever else. I would make little suggestions about a shelving unit or something and the poor man would just ask me if I could just give him this space, his little corner and leave it alone? I mean, seriously — I could do whatever I wanted with the entire rest of the house — could he just have this small space that I could leave unmolested? It took me MANY years to understand that leaving that space alone demonstraed respect.
I don’t know if you have children, but backing him up when he lays down a rule or disciplines a child is a BIG one. If Dad says “X” then “X” is what Mom should say too and if you disagree, talk with him about it in private. And if you’re going to question him about a decision, do it gently in a manner that says, “Help me understand why…” as opposed to something that will put him on the defensive, like, “Why did you do that?”
The last example I would like to make was the hardest for me to “get” over the years. This is about two things actually and since I don’t know about your personality I don’t know if it applies to you, but I am a busy body, sometimes know-it-all who has a suggestion for everyting. Problem is, give a guy unsolicted suggetions and he thinks you are criticizing him. If I walked out to the garage and saw my husband working on some project I might just suggest, “Hey, I can get you a clamp for that if you want,” because it looked like he had his hands full. This might be perceived as disrespectful because to him it says, “She thinks I don’t know what I’m doing,” or, “Who asked you? What? You don’t think I can do anything right?”
Lastly, but maybe most important is, PRAISE him (sincerely) for all you can. Thank him for every little thing. He carries a laundry basket up the stairs (even if you asked him to do it) and you say thank-you. Praise is respect, but it has to be sincere. He brings home his paycheck (or stub, if it’s direct deposit) and you say “I appreciate how hard you work for our family”.

By: Corinna Stonage

Corinna Stonage — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:48:57 +0000

I is not to late, find the DVD “iMarriage” by Andy Stanley. This will bring light to your marriage. It showed my husband and I that we are on the right path and helped us to understand more about a marriage. There were couples there that were married 30-40 years as well at the seminar.

By: Corinna Stonage

Corinna Stonage — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:44:24 +0000

While my husband and I are married for the second time, the words spoken are so true. Unfortunately our first marriage did not work out. Everything that is said is a shared effect of a couple. We have been attending Marriage seminars at our church and as of this point we find that we are doing things right this time around. God is very much a big part of our life and right now I am going through an unexpected surgery and it is so wonderful to see how he has picked up the extra responsibilities that I am unable to do. It is very hard for me because I am so use to doing more but I have come to realized that is what a marriage is, shared responsibilities. Our last seminar iMarriage by Andy Stanley explained the giving aspect of a marriage.

By: Sue

Sue — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:59:11 +0000

We’ve been married almost 40 years and he’s stopped dancing with me. He’s only been born-again for a little over a year….I can’t wait to be in step once again! PLEASE PRAY with me that GOD will teach us to glide!
Everyone reading the above article….”PAY ATTENTION”….GOD IS GOOD.

By: Ellen Ebert

Ellen Ebert — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:51:26 +0000

My husband and I took a Love and Respect class, and have also watched Tale of Two Brains, and loved it. Both say the woman wants love and the man wants respect. This is how I found out that I am really stuck with a woman’s brain after all. I asked my husband to please define what he considered signs of respect are. I wanted him to tell me his personal definition so that I could see if I was doing respectful things to/for him. I wanted to know if I was missing out on giving him the respect he values. He couldn’t answer me. So is repect a feeling or and action? I’m nice to him, I encourage him, I sit and look at him when he wants to talk to me, I help him when he asks for help, I keep the house and do laundry? Is there more? Do you have a ‘general’ man’s definition of respect that might help me out? Thank You for you help, Ellen