Comments on: Divorce or Separation http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/ Improving Marriages, One Laugh at a Time Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:14:03 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Tony http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-12672 Tony Sun, 24 Jul 2011 12:11:47 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-12672 I think some clarification is needed. What you are speaking about is a controlled separation with the goal of working on the issues in the marriage. Separation is a term this is misused just as married is. I had a soldier who told me he was not married. Come to find out he was separated. I saw this played out later with my ex-wife. She unilaterally chose separation so she could work on her affair. Separation, with some mentors and accountability may be a good thing. Separation just getting folks apart may signal one or both that they can re-enter the dating game. I think some clarification is needed. What you are speaking about is a controlled separation with the goal of working on the issues in the marriage.

Separation is a term this is misused just as married is. I had a soldier who told me he was not married. Come to find out he was separated. I saw this played out later with my ex-wife. She unilaterally chose separation so she could work on her affair.

Separation, with some mentors and accountability may be a good thing. Separation just getting folks apart may signal one or both that they can re-enter the dating game.

]]> By: Jane http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-6732 Jane Sat, 15 Jan 2011 11:06:13 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-6732 Hi, My husband & I have been separated for 16 months now. He wrote me a letter one day saying he didnt love me anymore & didnt want to stay married to me anymore.What had really happened is he started communicating with an old primary school class mate, this developed into an affair, he left you get the picture. This person called herself a christian, was divorced for 5 yrs and had her own children who were vertually the same age as mine. (what mother cld do that?) 16 months have past, the affair has ended & my husband wants to come back. I am in the process of finding christian spirit filled councellors (a husband & wife team) dont know of my chances. As yet my husband has not had a repentant heart in regards to what he has done, i feel i can not trust him back into my life until he stands up before God, me & my children/family and re-dedicates his love for me and commitment to our marriage. Am i asking too much? After all he did tell the children that he didnt love me anymore & didnt want to stay married to me, so i would like all that reversed. Without this i dont know wether he values marriage like he used to. I thank God for never letting me go, I am stronger, wiser, I respect myself & all i ask in return is that same respect. I will not be 2nd best, but will always be 1st best with Jesus! Hi,
My husband & I have been separated for 16 months now.
He wrote me a letter one day saying he didnt love me anymore & didnt want to stay married to me anymore.What had really happened is he started communicating with an old primary school class mate, this developed into an affair, he left you get the picture. This person called herself a christian, was divorced for 5 yrs and had her own children who were vertually the same age as mine. (what mother cld do that?)
16 months have past, the affair has ended & my husband wants to come back.
I am in the process of finding christian spirit filled councellors (a husband & wife team) dont know of my chances.
As yet my husband has not had a repentant heart in regards to what he has done, i feel i can not trust him back into my life
until he stands up before God, me & my children/family and re-dedicates his love for me and commitment to our marriage.
Am i asking too much?
After all he did tell the children that he didnt love me anymore
& didnt want to stay married to me, so i would like all that reversed.
Without this i dont know wether he values marriage like he used to.
I thank God for never letting me go, I am stronger, wiser, I respect myself & all i ask in return is that same respect.
I will not be 2nd best, but will always be 1st best with Jesus!

]]> By: Dan http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-6718 Dan Fri, 14 Jan 2011 23:26:57 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-6718 I don't see how any divorce attorney could possibly be a good Christian, based on this article. I have a dear niece who wants to go into family law; it sounds like I should do whatever I can to discourage her from that. I don’t see how any divorce attorney could possibly be a good Christian, based on this article. I have a dear niece who wants to go into family law; it sounds like I should do whatever I can to discourage her from that.

]]> By: Tricia http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-3593 Tricia Tue, 03 Aug 2010 19:48:49 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-3593 This information is very helpful, thanks alot This information is very helpful, thanks alot

]]> By: Fred http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-375 Fred Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:11:54 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-375 Hello my wife and i are seperated because i have a problem with internet porn.That is the reason she says is the problem I feel that my actions were terrible and i am very sorry. The worst part is after we seperated i felt like it was a lost cause and went to a singles website.My wife saw the emails that was sent to me and said she would never trust me again. I understand she is hurt I hope and pray I will learn to avoid those sites and she will find it in her heart to forgive me and give me another chance.Please pray for me i love her and dont want to lose her.thank you Hello my wife and i are seperated because i have a problem with internet porn.That is the reason she says is the problem I feel
that my actions were terrible and i am very sorry. The worst part is after we seperated i felt like it was a lost cause and went to a singles website.My wife saw the emails that was sent to me and said she would never trust me again. I understand she is hurt I hope and pray I will learn to avoid those sites and she will find it in her heart to forgive me and give me another chance.Please pray for me i love her and dont want to lose her.thank you

]]> By: Monica http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-259 Monica Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:06:33 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-259 Hello, this’ll be my 1st posting. I’ve been married for 22 yrs. End of Jan.’08 due to the industry my husband was in experienced a slow down and cost tremendous trickled down stress. He was a consultant to large companies which meant his head is on the line all the time. He always put in 120% of his effort 24/7 for long hours. Early Jan. ‘08 he was blamed for something that wasn’t cost by him at all yet because something happened the superior needed to save his own "hindny" had to jeopardize some people, 4 people, my husband was one of them. The stress trickled down to me with bills to pay and money running out, I lost it when he announced he’d to take his business overseas, some 12K miles away. By May ‘08 he started to become distant in his communication by July I suspected infidelity but had no proof. The evidences was revealed end of Oct. through Dec. At the same time starting Feb.’08 I experienced heavy bleeding due to fibroid in my uterus which subsequently ended up in me having a TAB (hysterectomy) in Dec. My husband refused to discussed about my findings re his paramour. We have 3 children, 19, 17 and 15. My whole world turned upside down, inside out, threshed and went through the spin cycle! Lots of tears, felt tremendously insecurity and I had suicidal thoughts. I was fighting for my life, my faith and what to do. I have to be grateful that due to my cry out to God that I wish to live that He help me walk through the valley of darkness. It wasn’t an easy walk! True to His faithfulness when I was contemplating suicide one morning He (God) put a voice in a dear friend of mine to call me on her way to work. When the phone rang I’d no intention to answer the phone but some nagging voice said to go pick up the phone. That broke my suicidal thought from progressing; I believe saved my life. I slowly opened up my troubled life to a small handful of closed friends and family in Jan. ‘09. Due to their relentless support and prayers I slowly grew stronger. I gained ground from under my feet reading the bible, counseling, reading blogs and materials on surviving marital affair and troubled relationships. I found out that I have to let go and let God. Take care of myself, forgive those that hurt me in the past. Learn to receive the Holy Spirit and trust it to guide me in the ways that’s pleasing to God. Help me to have compassion for all those who’d hurt me and ask God to help me see how He would see them. Pray for them and for them to open their hearts to receive the Holy Spirit. Believe God has a plan and He is God of all possibilities; He is the creator of the universe. -His love for me is unconditional -He loves me and will never forsaken me -I have strength according to His riches and glory -I’ll have all the needs I’ll ever need -My trust for Him will never be taken away from me -I have hope in eternal salvation Before my hope and faith in God, I focused on earthy and materialistic gains. I lived in constant fear and doubts that created a downward spiral in my mental instabilities and my physical health also plummeted. I became suspicious and distrusting. I became an ugly person with full of hatred. My undesirable personality traits emerged and sucked the life out of me. Life is about choices. In the bible it said when you’re hurt don’t sin. I also refused to lower my standard by rushing out to have another relationship because I want to keep my integrity. I want to work on my own personal issues; when I’m a stronger person the choices I make will be a more stable choice. Hello, this’ll be my 1st posting. I’ve been married for 22 yrs. End of Jan.’08 due to the industry my husband was in experienced a slow down and cost tremendous trickled down stress. He was a consultant to large companies which meant his head is on the line all the time. He always put in 120% of his effort 24/7 for long hours.

Early Jan. ‘08 he was blamed for something that wasn’t cost by him at all yet because something happened the superior needed to save his own “hindny” had to jeopardize some people, 4 people, my husband was one of them. The stress trickled down to me with bills to pay and money running out, I lost it when he announced he’d to take his business overseas, some 12K miles away.

By May ‘08 he started to become distant in his communication by July I suspected infidelity but had no proof. The evidences was revealed end of Oct. through Dec. At the same time starting Feb.’08 I experienced heavy bleeding due to fibroid in my uterus which subsequently ended up in me having a TAB (hysterectomy) in Dec.

My husband refused to discussed about my findings re his paramour. We have 3 children, 19, 17 and 15. My whole world turned upside down, inside out, threshed and went through the spin cycle! Lots of tears, felt tremendously insecurity and I had suicidal thoughts. I was fighting for my life, my faith and what to do. I have to be grateful that due to my cry out to God that I wish to live that He help me walk through the valley of darkness. It wasn’t an easy walk! True to His faithfulness when I was contemplating suicide one morning He (God) put a voice in a dear friend of mine to call me on her way to work. When the phone rang I’d no intention to answer the phone but some nagging voice said to go pick up the phone. That broke my suicidal thought from progressing; I believe saved my life.

I slowly opened up my troubled life to a small handful of closed friends and family in Jan. ‘09. Due to their relentless support and prayers I slowly grew stronger. I gained ground from under my feet reading the bible, counseling, reading blogs and materials on surviving marital affair and troubled relationships. I found out that I have to let go and let God. Take care of myself, forgive those that hurt me in the past. Learn to receive the Holy Spirit and trust it to guide me in the ways that’s pleasing to God. Help me to have compassion for all those who’d hurt me and ask God to help me see how He would see them. Pray for them and for them to open their hearts to receive the Holy Spirit. Believe God has a plan and He is God of all possibilities; He is the creator of the universe.
-His love for me is unconditional
-He loves me and will never forsaken me
-I have strength according to His riches and glory
-I’ll have all the needs I’ll ever need
-My trust for Him will never be taken away from me
-I have hope in eternal salvation

Before my hope and faith in God, I focused on earthy and materialistic gains. I lived in constant fear and doubts that created a downward spiral in my mental instabilities and my physical health also plummeted. I became suspicious and distrusting. I became an ugly person with full of hatred. My undesirable personality traits emerged and sucked the life out of me. Life is about choices. In the bible it said when you’re hurt don’t sin. I also refused to lower my standard by rushing out to have another relationship because I want to keep my integrity. I want to work on my own personal issues; when I’m a stronger person the choices I make will be a more stable choice.

]]> By: Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-31 Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:33:45 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-31 During the separation the couple is to be working on the marriage; neither person should be dating. And no, separation isn't the same as divorce. During the separation the couple is to be working on the marriage; neither person should be dating. And no, separation isn’t the same as divorce.

]]> By: Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-30 Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:31:35 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-30 It would really depend on the individual situation. There is no general rule of thumb. It would really depend on the individual situation. There is no general rule of thumb.

]]> By: Cami http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-27 Cami Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:33:00 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-27 My husband and I had a seperation after 3 years. We both had issues that needed to be fixed, but we were both so upset neither one of us could see clearly, until we seperated. It was a costly seperation, but both my husband and I agree that it was worth it and has made us stronger because of it. Family, friends, coworkers and pastors became involved through it, and though we are very private people, it showed us that other people actually care. Its comforting to see other situations and realize we arent alone and there is support. I love my husband, and I would rather have spent that time and money during that seperation, than to not have him by my side. My husband and I had a seperation after 3 years. We both had issues that needed to be fixed, but we were both so upset neither one of us could see clearly, until we seperated. It was a costly seperation, but both my husband and I agree that it was worth it and has made us stronger because of it. Family, friends, coworkers and pastors became involved through it, and though we are very private people, it showed us that other people actually care. Its comforting to see other situations and realize we arent alone and there is support. I love my husband, and I would rather have spent that time and money during that seperation, than to not have him by my side.

]]> By: Pastor Bev Sesink http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/divorce-or-separation/comment-page-1/#comment-24 Pastor Bev Sesink Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:03:42 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=373#comment-24 Mark, I agree with your thoughts. After 15 years of full time ministry, I am convinced action needs to be taken sooner than later with troubled marriages. In recent years we have had a number of marriages go belly up and from my perspective they might have been saved had either spouse stepped up quicker and said, "Enough, we need help!" Almost 20 years ago my very gracious wife said, "I love you Bev, but I can't live with you this way!" And then my young son spoke the very cruel words I had spoken to my wife. I didn't want him to become like me, so the combination of my wife's gentle but firm rebuke and my son's reflection of myself caused me to take action before further damage was done. In the end we did not separate but I know that would have happened if I hadn't listened to her loving but pained words spoken from years of inappropriate behavior on my heart. Keep up the good work bro! Blessings, Bev from Edmonton Mark,

I agree with your thoughts. After 15 years of full time ministry, I am convinced action needs to be taken sooner than later with troubled marriages. In recent years we have had a number of marriages go belly up and from my perspective they might have been saved had either spouse stepped up quicker and said, “Enough, we need help!”

Almost 20 years ago my very gracious wife said, “I love you Bev, but I can’t live with you this way!” And then my young son spoke the very cruel words I had spoken to my wife. I didn’t want him to become like me, so the combination of my wife’s gentle but firm rebuke and my son’s reflection of myself caused me to take action before further damage was done.

In the end we did not separate but I know that would have happened if I hadn’t listened to her loving but pained words spoken from years of inappropriate behavior on my heart.

Keep up the good work bro!

Blessings,

Bev from Edmonton

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