Comments on: Sexless Marriage? The Desire Myth http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/ Improving Marriages, One Laugh at a Time Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:14:03 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Amy http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-13652 Amy Sun, 14 Aug 2011 16:08:30 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-13652 My husband and I have been married 40 years and the last 30 have been with out sex or any kind of intimacy. For me its been very lonely and depressing, as for my husband it doesn't bother him at all. When first married he wasn't to interested in sex and I have no idea why.We had sex for the first 10 years and all of a sudden he stopped, he admitted he had been faking that he enjoyed sex and intimacy. He wasn't going to have sex with me again, I became really upset and wanted to know why! To this day I still don't know why. He purposely started working nights while I worked days. We never interacted ! He became very recluse and decided to move all his things to the basement where hes built an appartment. Now retired and still very lonely, I only have a few friends I can talk to. As for him he goes no where and doesn't talk to me or any one else. He must be very lonely. My husband and I have been married 40 years and the last 30 have been with out sex or any kind of intimacy. For me its been very lonely and depressing, as for my husband it doesn’t bother him at all. When first married he wasn’t to interested in sex and I have no idea why.We had sex for the first 10 years and all of a sudden he stopped, he admitted he had been faking that he enjoyed sex and intimacy. He wasn’t going to have sex with me again, I became really upset and wanted to know why! To this day I still don’t know why. He purposely started working nights while I worked days. We never interacted ! He became very recluse and decided to move all his things to the basement where hes built an appartment. Now retired and still very lonely, I only have a few friends I can talk to. As for him he goes no where and doesn’t talk to me or any one else. He must be very lonely.

]]> By: Nat http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-13290 Nat Wed, 03 Aug 2011 17:41:57 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-13290 married 40 plus years and 30 of those years have been sexless and with no intimacy. My wife has been unhappy with the situation for years and as for I, I like it better without sex. Not interested in gays nor porn. We never had sex before we were married we were both virgins. So when first married I couldn't get into sex, I tryed and did alot of faking. But finally I had to tell my wife I get nothing from sex, its boring,and so much energy for so little. So from that day till today we hadn't had sex, and I still feel sex is totaly a waste of time. I would bet that we only had sex maybe 40 times in all these years. married 40 plus years and 30 of those years have been sexless and with no intimacy. My wife has been unhappy with the situation for years and as for I, I like it better without sex. Not interested in gays nor porn. We never had sex before we were married we were both virgins. So when first married I couldn’t get into sex, I tryed and did alot of faking. But finally I had to tell my wife I get nothing from sex, its boring,and so much energy for so little. So from that day till today we hadn’t had sex, and I still feel sex is totaly a waste of time. I would bet that we only had sex maybe 40 times in all these years.

]]> By: Sometimes Sex is Just Sex http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-9864 Sometimes Sex is Just Sex Sun, 01 May 2011 00:41:53 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-9864 [...] great desire and/or a huge emotional connection at the front end or sex isn’t going to happen. In my last post I addressed the desire aspect of this flawed thinking. Now, I’ll dispel the myth regarding the [...] [...] great desire and/or a huge emotional connection at the front end or sex isn’t going to happen. In my last post I addressed the desire aspect of this flawed thinking. Now, I’ll dispel the myth regarding the [...]

]]> By: Nat http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-8919 Nat Mon, 04 Apr 2011 16:58:26 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-8919 I do not desire nor am I aroused by my wife. The closest we get is in bed she has her side and I have mine. I'am proud to say nothing ever happens in bed except what a bed is made for. (SLEEP). Married 43 years and we've been sexless for about 30 years now. And Im perfectly happy that way, my wife on the other hand is not. She always says that she desires and needs sex! My first answer was go else where and don't bother me with your problems. Why we got married, I guess I wanted to try it out. It got really boring, mundane what ever you want to call it really fast. They say all men only think about sex! I disagree the last thing I ever thought about was certainly not sex. Now really to old to change my habits but I enjoy my life. Not into any porn or gay. I do not desire nor am I aroused by my wife. The closest we get is in bed she has her side and I have mine. I’am proud to say nothing ever happens in bed except what a bed is made for. (SLEEP). Married 43 years and we’ve been sexless for about 30 years now. And Im perfectly happy that way, my wife on the other hand is not. She always says that she desires and needs sex!
My first answer was go else where and don’t bother me with your problems. Why we got married, I guess I wanted to try it out. It got really boring, mundane what ever you want to call it really fast. They say all men only think about sex! I disagree the last thing I ever thought about was certainly not sex. Now really to old to change my habits but I enjoy my life. Not into any porn or gay.

]]> By: Sam Zaragoza http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-6110 Sam Zaragoza Mon, 20 Dec 2010 03:04:50 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-6110 Hi Mark, Your article on sexless marriage inspired me and I thank you. It inspired me to write an anti-sexless marriage article geared more toward the LDS community of which I'm a part. I hoped that some of your readers (who are struggling in their marriages) may also find some of these insights useful. My blog is at http://ldsmarriagebed.blogspot.com Thank you for all you are doing. Your work has helped my own marriage and motivated me to help join the fight to defend marriage. God Bless you and keep you always. Hi Mark,
Your article on sexless marriage inspired me and I thank you.
It inspired me to write an anti-sexless marriage article geared more toward the LDS community of which I’m a part. I hoped that some of your readers (who are struggling in their marriages) may also find some of these insights useful.

My blog is at http://ldsmarriagebed.blogspot.com

Thank you for all you are doing. Your work has helped my own marriage and motivated me to help join the fight to defend marriage. God Bless you and keep you always.

]]> By: chris http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-3810 chris Wed, 18 Aug 2010 19:42:37 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-3810 This IS the more common situation by orders of magnitude and I was disappointed to see him make the men low drive comment. Im not sure why he did that, it doesnt seem like he panders to women but fact is MOST pastors do, and my friends that are pastors admit it openly. From "communication styles" to how we comport sexually, its all about keepin momma happy. This IS the more common situation by orders of magnitude and I was disappointed to see him make the men low drive comment. Im not sure why he did that, it doesnt seem like he panders to women but fact is MOST pastors do, and my friends that are pastors admit it openly.
From “communication styles” to how we comport sexually, its all about keepin momma happy.

]]> By: chris http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-3809 chris Wed, 18 Aug 2010 19:39:38 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-3809 Your sample must be small, if you say its generally more men with lower desire. I like that you shatter myths....but its no myth that men have the higher drive...statistically, in general. Great points about not needing to be lathered up to start though. The church teaches the old "men, if you want a hot oven you must light the pilot in the morning"....while its true thats best....it has created a generation of Christian women who flat say I CANNOT HAVE SEX ON A WHIM AND WILL NOT.....bunk! I can tell you that once he starts an affair, a quick text msg and the notell motell is rockin! no pilot light required. Thay CAN and DO do it....pastors, please stop affirming the excuses. Your sample must be small, if you say its generally more men with lower desire. I like that you shatter myths….but its no myth that men have the higher drive…statistically, in general.

Great points about not needing to be lathered up to start though. The church teaches the old “men, if you want a hot oven you must light the pilot in the morning”….while its true thats best….it has created a generation of Christian women who flat say I CANNOT HAVE SEX ON A WHIM AND WILL NOT…..bunk!

I can tell you that once he starts an affair, a quick text msg and the notell motell is rockin! no pilot light required. Thay CAN and DO do it….pastors, please stop affirming the excuses.

]]> By: John http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-3295 John Thu, 01 Jul 2010 20:42:05 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-3295 Teri, Try chiropractic to get your spine and whole body functioning better! We were not created to live in perpetual pain and dysfunction. Reduce or elimate internal interference to your healthy function and you'll enjoy life more. I don't know your specific condition, but correcting the spine's structure allows it to move better. It also reduces pressure on the spinal cord and nerves, aloowing your brain to better coordinate healing and function! Teri,

Try chiropractic to get your spine and whole body functioning better! We were not created to live in perpetual pain and dysfunction. Reduce or elimate internal interference to your healthy function and you’ll enjoy life more.

I don’t know your specific condition, but correcting the spine’s structure allows it to move better. It also reduces pressure on the spinal cord and nerves, aloowing your brain to better coordinate healing and function!

]]> By: Nancy http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-3122 Nancy Fri, 04 Jun 2010 17:18:10 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-3122 Wow Ted if everything you are saying is true I dont know what else you can do to make it better. Sometimes you dont know what you got til it's gone. Sounds like your wife is taking you for granted. It's time for a long heart to heart with her. Not demanding pleading or desperate. But a true expression of your desire to have a better marriage. Some women could go forever without having sex. Does she show you love in another way? Maybe in a way she thinks is love but you dont necessarily? Often people show love in the way they want to recieve it. What fills her love tank? What fills yours besides sex? If you each discover that, maybe sex will follow. Wow Ted if everything you are saying is true I dont know what else you can do to make it better. Sometimes you dont know what you got til it’s gone. Sounds like your wife is taking you for granted. It’s time for a long heart to heart with her. Not demanding pleading or desperate. But a true expression of your desire to have a better marriage. Some women could go forever without having sex. Does she show you love in another way? Maybe in a way she thinks is love but you dont necessarily? Often people show love in the way they want to recieve it. What fills her love tank? What fills yours besides sex? If you each discover that, maybe sex will follow.

]]> By: Ted http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/desire-myth/comment-page-1/#comment-2728 Ted Wed, 28 Apr 2010 20:11:04 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=628#comment-2728 I thought it was always the men that wanted more sex not the women. In my case it's definetly me. What's a normal sex life? I don't think what we have is. Ours feels like it's dead. We're just in our 30's! We have it around 10 times a year. When we do have it it's on a special occasion like our anniversary or Valentine's day and she acts like it's a treat for me. Which is a little demeaning honestly. We once went half a year without having sex. I admit I'm a guy and I would have sex with my wife every other day if not every day if I could. But I don't even remotely try that much. But I would be willing to settle for once a week or whatever. But right now it's not even every month. I'm a decent looking guy but it just makes me feel unattractive and that there's something wrong with me. I don't know what to do. I have no idea what the problem is. I've tried bring it up subtly but she just brushed it off or makes excuses. I've tried everything I can think of; pulling a bigger load of the housework, doing dishes, laundry, cleaning house making dinners sometimes. But it just made it worse for me. Now not only do I work a 40 hr job, go to school part-time, and do all the yardwork, I do half if not more of the dishes, laundry and house cleaning and still no sex. While she works part time. I'm not a jealous or controlling guy and I watch the kids while she goes out for "girl's night out" and goes out after work with her friends from work. I've tried being romantic, actually I think I just am more romantic all the time than she ever is. I listen to her talk for hours about her bad days and whatever else that I really don't want to hear but I have a genuine interest and love her. I do everything for her. I've never hurt her in any way so there's nothing like that there. I don't understand. I contiually try and get rejected. It's gotten to where I don't even try anymore because I don't want someone that doesn't want me or isn't attracted to me. I've started to become a little bitter and I've started to build up a resentment. I've tried to bring it up and she's just brushed it off. I don't want to criticize her and make her "feel horrible" like this blog says. So what do I do? I thought it was always the men that wanted more sex not the women. In my case it’s definetly me. What’s a normal sex life? I don’t think what we have is. Ours feels like it’s dead. We’re just in our 30′s! We have it around 10 times a year. When we do have it it’s on a special occasion like our anniversary or Valentine’s day and she acts like it’s a treat for me. Which is a little demeaning honestly. We once went half a year without having sex. I admit I’m a guy and I would have sex with my wife every other day if not every day if I could. But I don’t even remotely try that much. But I would be willing to settle for once a week or whatever. But right now it’s not even every month. I’m a decent looking guy but it just makes me feel unattractive and that there’s something wrong with me.
I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what the problem is. I’ve tried bring it up subtly but she just brushed it off or makes excuses. I’ve tried everything I can think of; pulling a bigger load of the housework, doing dishes, laundry, cleaning house making dinners sometimes. But it just made it worse for me. Now not only do I work a 40 hr job, go to school part-time, and do all the yardwork, I do half if not more of the dishes, laundry and house cleaning and still no sex. While she works part time. I’m not a jealous or controlling guy and I watch the kids while she goes out for “girl’s night out” and goes out after work with her friends from work. I’ve tried being romantic, actually I think I just am more romantic all the time than she ever is. I listen to her talk for hours about her bad days and whatever else that I really don’t want to hear but I have a genuine interest and love her. I do everything for her. I’ve never hurt her in any way so there’s nothing like that there. I don’t understand.

I contiually try and get rejected. It’s gotten to where I don’t even try anymore because I don’t want someone that doesn’t want me or isn’t attracted to me. I’ve started to become a little bitter and I’ve started to build up a resentment. I’ve tried to bring it up and she’s just brushed it off. I don’t want to criticize her and make her “feel horrible” like this blog says. So what do I do?

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