Archive for the ‘Blog’ Category

When you first start out dating, and then in the early stages of marriage, most of the relationship is automatic. You are running off of emotions and hormones that drive each of you to be nice, be considerate, spend time together, and tend to one another. But eventually, marriage happens, life kicks in, kids come along and things change.

Most people think that the early stages of love—that chemically induced time of bliss and ease—will continue indefinitely. After all, they are “in love” and have found “the one” that will make the rest of their days as euphoric as the honeymoon phase.

But that’s not the way it works. The reality is this automatic phase is short-term (lasting six months to a couple of years) and when it fades away your marriage and your sex life must happen on purpose. You have date night on purpose. You plan to have sex on purpose. You make time for each other on purpose. Couples who don’t make the transition from automatic to intentional have marriages that suffer the most.

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We need a revolution.

When I grew up in the 60’s, young people rebelled against materialism and morality.  We said “Enough!!” and fought back against the establishment – an establishment we regarded as corrupt and clueless.  When it came to a war we thought unjust we chanted, “Hell no, we won’t go!!”  When it came to materialism we said, “We don’t want it!!”, and walked about with no shoes and holes in our jeans.  And when it came to traditional morality, we rejected it and gave ourselves to free sex, drugs and rock and roll.  It had an enduring impact on our nation.  And while the rejection of materialism was a positive reminder that there are more important things to life than possessions, the plunge into immorality has been devastating.

Today, four decades later, as I look at the Evangelical Christian Church (now as a pastor, husband, father and grandfather) I can’t help but believe we are in need of another revolution.  This time, however, we need a revolution among Christian young people – those who will go against the narcissistic thinking of their unspiritual Christian parents, a thinking that only leads to selfishness, materialism and a high divorce rate.

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Thankful? Haven’t we passed that holiday? I know, Thanksgiving was seven or eight weeks ago…the leftovers have vanished along with the attitude of gratitude that was quickly lost in the flurry of Christmas.  Now, here we are at the start of a new year. The presents have been returned, the wrapping has been recycled, and the tree is tucked away in the basement for another year.

Many people make resolutions beginning January 1st to improve themselves and their lives.  Lots of us make promises to eat less and exercise more, or to pray and read the bible more and watch TV less. All good things…and they would be even better if we could actually stick to them beyond Valentine’s Day! But here is an idea for a resolution: Be thankful.

Let’s start by looking at an example from scripture of what being thankful actually looks like. In Luke 17 we find the account of Jesus healing the ten lepers. As most people are well aware, leprosy was a horrible disease at the time. It was incurable and caused people to be completely separated and isolated from everyone…including their own spouse, family and friends. Therefore, when these ten guys heard this man was healing people, they wanted in on the deal and made their way to see him crying out loudly for Jesus to have mercy upon them.

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Yes, it’s that time of the year again…the most wonderful, happy, and magical season of Christmas! At least that’s what the retailers, songs and TV specials all proclaim starting mid-November. Yet for many people, this whole holiday season starting with Thanksgiving and ending with New Years is anything but wonderful or happy.

Now, there may be a variety of reasons for this. For some people, it is the first year since a loved one has passed away, which makes for sadness. Others experience the whole season being separated by many miles from their family and friends either because of job situations, military commitments or just because they can’t make it home for any given reason.

Some of the things that cause people to be unhappy at Christmas time cannot be helped and they are quite reasonable sources for sad or melancholy feelings. But many people are upset and stressed out during this season by their own doing. And by far, the largest culprit in this is unrealistic expectations of what they think Christmas is supposed to be like.

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There is line of thinking that began in American culture during the hippy movement of the 1960s and has continued to grow in popularity until it proliferated even Christianity.  I’m referring to the concept of “unconditional love”.  Over and over we hear people talking about how we need to love others “unconditionally” and how others should love us “unconditionally”. It also has morphed into the idea that God’s love for us is “unconditional”.  What a bunch of horse manure! Nowhere in the bible does it say that love is to be without conditions…in fact, the phrase “unconditional love” isn’t even in the bible.  (Not to mention that the bible is clearly a list of conditions God has for his people.) Funny how Christians are so quick to make such unbiblical ideas and phrases in to pillars of the faith!

The other phrase that is repeated over and over again until it, too, has become accepted “doctrine” is “God loves you just the way you are.” Wrong!! God loves you in spite of the way you are!

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