Comments on: Don’t Change the Guy http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/ Improving Marriages, One Laugh at a Time Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:28:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Trevor Williams http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-2078 Trevor Williams Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:11:51 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-2078 I once heard it put this succinctly. "A woman marries a man, thinking he will change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman thinking she will stay the same, and she doesn't". Go figure. I once heard it put this succinctly. “A woman marries a man, thinking he will change, and he doesn’t. A man marries a woman thinking she will stay the same, and she doesn’t”. Go figure.

]]> By: Holly http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-2057 Holly Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:15:51 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-2057 Is it unrealistic to feel like I want my boyfriend back. It seems like I have been more unhappy with my husband since we got married. I have been sad this weekend and been thinking I'd rather be a girlfriend than a wife. I loved it when we had fun together and I felt like he adored me. I don't get presents, get taken out to eat. He never suggests spending time together- like a hike or skiing or a movie or even a vacation. If I didn't plan anything we would watch TV everynight and never go on any holiday. I still want to have fun with my husband. Please put these feelings into perspective for me. Is it unrealistic to feel like I want my boyfriend back. It seems like I have been more unhappy with my husband since we got married. I have been sad this weekend and been thinking I’d rather be a girlfriend than a wife. I loved it when we had fun together and I felt like he adored me. I don’t get presents, get taken out to eat. He never suggests spending time together- like a hike or skiing or a movie or even a vacation. If I didn’t plan anything we would watch TV everynight and never go on any holiday. I still want to have fun with my husband. Please put these feelings into perspective for me.

]]> By: Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1842 Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Mon, 01 Feb 2010 22:30:35 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1842 Mark doesn’t reply to the blog page but handles all emails through his radio show, so please send your question to radio@laughyourway.com and he will be happy to answer it via the program. You can listen at http://www.markgungorshow.com from 10-11 am CST weekdays. Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Mark doesn’t reply to the blog page but handles all emails through his radio show, so please send your question to radio@laughyourway.com and he will be happy to answer it via the program. You can listen at http://www.markgungorshow.com from 10-11 am CST weekdays.
Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor

]]> By: Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1841 Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Mon, 01 Feb 2010 22:15:46 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1841 Mark doesn't reply to the blog page but handles all emails through his radio show, so please send you question to radio@laughyourway.com and he will be happy to answer it via the program. You can listen at www.markgungorshow.com from 10-11 am CST weekdays. Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor Mark doesn’t reply to the blog page but handles all emails through his radio show, so please send you question to radio@laughyourway.com and he will be happy to answer it via the program. You can listen at http://www.markgungorshow.com from 10-11 am CST weekdays.
Diane Brierley for Mark Gungor

]]> By: Deanie http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1837 Deanie Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:07:28 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1837 I am just playing devil's advocate, and do not know what your wife is like or what her needs are. I know my husband's love language is/are acts of service, and he acts very diligent and stern most of the time. My love language is words of encouragement. When I hear stern and hard (as opposed to soft and vulnerable, encouraging) - it causes me to lose respect for my husband. When he is loud, and doesn't try to calm down and understand, and speak to me gently, it shows me that he does not respect my feelings, and I lose respect for him and also sometimes think he doesn't love me, even though he is a great provider. You have to find out what she needs most. I'm not sure why she hides things. I know I have done it because I know my husband will not be calm, even over small things. I have in the past spent money on things because I was lacking the attention that I needed from my husband. I thought it would help, but it only made things worse. I believe you have to 'speak the truth in love' yes, but not just speak the truth as hard as you can. If someone is gentle, polite, and understanding w/my faults, I will usually go out of my way to please them - even if they are not threatening to leave me. Deanie I am just playing devil’s advocate, and do not know what your wife is like or what her needs are. I know my husband’s love language is/are acts of service, and he acts very diligent and stern most of the time. My love language is words of encouragement. When I hear stern and hard (as opposed to soft and vulnerable, encouraging) – it causes me to lose respect for my husband. When he is loud, and doesn’t try to calm down and understand, and speak to me gently, it shows me that he does not respect my feelings, and I lose respect for him and also sometimes think he doesn’t love me, even though he is a great provider. You have to find out what she needs most. I’m not sure why she hides things. I know I have done it because I know my husband will not be calm, even over small things. I have in the past spent money on things because I was lacking the attention that I needed from my husband. I thought it would help, but it only made things worse. I believe you have to ‘speak the truth in love’ yes, but not just speak the truth as hard as you can. If someone is gentle, polite, and understanding w/my faults, I will usually go out of my way to please them – even if they are not threatening to leave me.

Deanie

]]> By: Deanie http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1836 Deanie Mon, 01 Feb 2010 17:46:57 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1836 Is there anyone who can help with my original comments/questions, or should I simply sign up for the conference, and hope for the best for right now? Deannie Is there anyone who can help with my original comments/questions, or should I simply sign up for the conference, and hope for the best for right now?

Deannie

]]> By: Jack Schroeder http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1825 Jack Schroeder Sun, 31 Jan 2010 23:25:29 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1825 Sounds like your " Putting your foot down " has no real teeth or follow up.New Life Ministries has some very good programs and a great book called " Boundries in Marriage " I recommend it highly, I've been married for 31 years. You understand the oneness idea and seem to be seeking it. ( You are in love with the idea of oneness ) She sounds like she is playing you for a Fool. Honesty can take a lot of major pain to get to. She is living a double life, God will need to " Break some dishes in your Marriage. Good Luck and God Bless. You are in for a rough ride , but God causes All things to work for your good, even very ugly sinful stuff Sounds like your ” Putting your foot down ” has no real teeth or follow up.New Life Ministries has some very good programs and a great book called ” Boundries in Marriage ” I recommend it highly, I’ve been married for 31 years. You understand the oneness idea and seem to be seeking it. ( You are in love with the idea of oneness ) She sounds like she is playing you for a Fool. Honesty can take a lot of major pain to get to. She is living a double life, God will need to ” Break some dishes in your Marriage. Good Luck and God Bless. You are in for a rough ride , but God causes All things to work for your good, even very ugly sinful stuff

]]> By: Robert A. Dittel http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1776 Robert A. Dittel Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:37:13 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1776 WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ONE FLESH: I am a Physiological Training Specialist and teach health. My wife knew this when I met her. I have helped her get rid of her Asthma and her aches from her Palsy. She has seen me help people with Diabetes, Migraines, Gout, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, etc. After we were married she went back to her old ways and complained about her health. When I try to remind her of what to do she complains that is all I ever talk about. I am a devoted Christian and I know my job is to take care of my wife as I would take care of my own body and love her as Christ loves the Church. I happen to care for her better than myself. I believe this form of love speaks loudly but it does not seem to speak that to her. She is admittedly very stubborn and will listen to the advice of others instead of my advice regarding Health, Finances, Business, Love, Relationships, etc. She admits she does not trust men. I feel like I am the enemy. I thought we were one flesh. I thought we are supposed to cleave to each other and others are supposed to be outside our circle. She, her Mom and her sister all believe it is normal to keep credit cards maxed out and her sister has an allowance of $20k - $30k per month. They suck my wife into this covetous mindset and she buys things using credit cards I paid off. She changed the billing address from our home to her Mom's so I would not see the bills. She said a lot of women do this so their husbands will not get angry. I have given her all the love she never received from her first marriage since her ex was into porn and nylons but that does not seem to make a difference. I feel I am failing no matter what I try. I do know that my experience as a Supervisor in the Air Force and as a Postal Manager has taught me that people do not respect you if you are soft. They only seen to respect real authority as they do with the Police or an angry person as Christ displayed in the Temple because of possible ramifications or consequences. My wife claims she has no respect for men but when I threaten to end our marriage she quickly becomes the ideal wife for the time being. Any suggestions are welcome. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ONE FLESH: I am a Physiological Training Specialist and teach health. My wife knew this when I met her. I have helped her get rid of her Asthma and her aches from her Palsy. She has seen me help people with Diabetes, Migraines, Gout, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, etc. After we were married she went back to her old ways and complained about her health. When I try to remind her of what to do she complains that is all I ever talk about. I am a devoted Christian and I know my job is to take care of my wife as I would take care of my own body and love her as Christ loves the Church. I happen to care for her better than myself. I believe this form of love speaks loudly but it does not seem to speak that to her. She is admittedly very stubborn and will listen to the advice of others instead of my advice regarding Health, Finances, Business, Love, Relationships, etc. She admits she does not trust men. I feel like I am the enemy. I thought we were one flesh. I thought we are supposed to cleave to each other and others are supposed to be outside our circle.
She, her Mom and her sister all believe it is normal to keep credit cards maxed out and her sister has an allowance of $20k – $30k per month. They suck my wife into this covetous mindset and she buys things using credit cards I paid off. She changed the billing address from our home to her Mom’s so I would not see the bills. She said a lot of women do this so their husbands will not get angry. I have given her all the love she never received from her first marriage since her ex was into porn and nylons but that does not seem to make a difference. I feel I am failing no matter what I try. I do know that my experience as a Supervisor in the Air Force and as a Postal Manager has taught me that people do not respect you if you are soft. They only seen to respect real authority as they do with the Police or an angry person as Christ displayed in the Temple because of possible ramifications or consequences. My wife claims she has no respect for men but when I threaten to end our marriage she quickly becomes the ideal wife for the time being. Any suggestions are welcome.

]]> By: Deanie http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1775 Deanie Thu, 28 Jan 2010 17:14:46 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1775 This is a question for Mark Gungor - I have been married for 20 years. I knew that my husband was kind of a workaholic person who expects too much from those around him. He is like this because of his parents. I am very laid back and need down time much more than he does. I work full-time, have kids, and we have a full-time farm as well. I help w/the farm occasionally, but I rarely have time to help. Our married/go-out and have fun-life is non-existent. Yep, I knew all these things beforehand. It's taken me 20 years to learn that he won't change, and that I won't/can't either (as far as trying to do more to help him do more. I am not even motivated to change little things anymore because I have become resentful and tired. I am accepting him better sometimes, lately, BUT, I am seeing that not getting enough down time with him is probably one of my 'deal-breakers' and I don't know how much longer I can hold our family together by staying with him, even though I do love the man very much still. (I have explained this to him many times and many ways) Although he works to help us get ahead, it feels like his work is his mistress, and I need a boyfriend! Help! Deanie This is a question for Mark Gungor – I have been married for 20 years. I knew that my husband was kind of a workaholic person who expects too much from those around him. He is like this because of his parents. I am very laid back and need down time much more than he does. I work full-time, have kids, and we have a full-time farm as well. I help w/the farm occasionally, but I rarely have time to help. Our married/go-out and have fun-life is non-existent. Yep, I knew all these things beforehand. It’s taken me 20 years to learn that he won’t change, and that I won’t/can’t either (as far as trying to do more to help him do more. I am not even motivated to change little things anymore because I have become resentful and tired. I am accepting him better sometimes, lately, BUT, I am seeing that not getting enough down time with him is probably one of my ‘deal-breakers’ and I don’t know how much longer I can hold our family together by staying with him, even though I do love the man very much still. (I have explained this to him many times and many ways) Although he works to help us get ahead, it feels like his work is his mistress, and I need a boyfriend! Help!

Deanie

]]> By: Lela Metzger http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/cannot-change-the-guy/comment-page-1/#comment-1765 Lela Metzger Wed, 27 Jan 2010 07:04:11 +0000 http://www.laughyourway.com/?p=597#comment-1765 First off...kudos to all the crazy men and women who decide to get married! It takes a lot. From a physics point of view think of it as two masses moving in unique directions. Depending on the direction, speed, acceleration etc, these two masses either collide and keep moving in a new direction or they stop dead or one has a higher force than the other which pushes that one along until another force pulls it away. Ok dorkdom aside, I never thought I would meet the man of my dreams. He just didn't exist. No man would be patient enough for me, open-minded enough for me, charming enough to keep my attention, and most importantly would trust me and simply love me for who I was. I've gone through many relationships where it was pretty much one-sided. I got somewhat crazy about one and that was a childish mistake. The others were simply weird and some to the point of obsessive. Then looking at other people's relationships with all the fighting and disappointments and going "what happened to these people?". It was pointless. Completely and utterly pointless. So why do I bother saying anything? God has a funny sense of humor. About a year and almost 3 months ago this dude came into my life after several really difficult relationships. I wasn't looking for him. I knew I needed my me time for God to tell me what was wrong with my life and what I needed to do about it. It wasn't anything crazy like the frog turning into a prince, he just took forever to say goodbye to me after bowling with his friends. Halloween came and we finally hit it off after saying for weeks I would be a girl robot if he would be a boy one. Sure enough, in the 5-hour period before his party I show up in duct tape and silver body paint and there is a giant box robot with dryer hoses for arms showing up at the door. Flash forward almost 15 months and we're still together. There are many things I would love to change about him, but I also know he has to be the one to change them and he has got to want to change them. We all feel bad about doing things like smoking, drinking, staying up late, or over-eating, or simply neglecting something important. Relationships take two people, and God's blessing. I'm a better person for being with this guy and I know he's not perfect but I know he loves me and he loves God. And he gets the same restlessness I do when I know something is wrong. Is it going to work out? God only knows...and God I hope so. He makes me want to be a better person but still loves me just as I am. And I love him just as he is...I just worry about him sometimes and for now he heeds my worry. So yeah...God's looking out for us all. =) Good luck you crazy kids! First off…kudos to all the crazy men and women who decide to get married! It takes a lot. From a physics point of view think of it as two masses moving in unique directions. Depending on the direction, speed, acceleration etc, these two masses either collide and keep moving in a new direction or they stop dead or one has a higher force than the other which pushes that one along until another force pulls it away.

Ok dorkdom aside, I never thought I would meet the man of my dreams. He just didn’t exist. No man would be patient enough for me, open-minded enough for me, charming enough to keep my attention, and most importantly would trust me and simply love me for who I was. I’ve gone through many relationships where it was pretty much one-sided. I got somewhat crazy about one and that was a childish mistake. The others were simply weird and some to the point of obsessive. Then looking at other people’s relationships with all the fighting and disappointments and going “what happened to these people?”. It was pointless. Completely and utterly pointless. So why do I bother saying anything?

God has a funny sense of humor. About a year and almost 3 months ago this dude came into my life after several really difficult relationships. I wasn’t looking for him. I knew I needed my me time for God to tell me what was wrong with my life and what I needed to do about it. It wasn’t anything crazy like the frog turning into a prince, he just took forever to say goodbye to me after bowling with his friends. Halloween came and we finally hit it off after saying for weeks I would be a girl robot if he would be a boy one. Sure enough, in the 5-hour period before his party I show up in duct tape and silver body paint and there is a giant box robot with dryer hoses for arms showing up at the door.

Flash forward almost 15 months and we’re still together. There are many things I would love to change about him, but I also know he has to be the one to change them and he has got to want to change them. We all feel bad about doing things like smoking, drinking, staying up late, or over-eating, or simply neglecting something important. Relationships take two people, and God’s blessing. I’m a better person for being with this guy and I know he’s not perfect but I know he loves me and he loves God. And he gets the same restlessness I do when I know something is wrong. Is it going to work out? God only knows…and God I hope so. He makes me want to be a better person but still loves me just as I am. And I love him just as he is…I just worry about him sometimes and for now he heeds my worry.

So yeah…God’s looking out for us all. =)

Good luck you crazy kids!

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