Comments on: Attention = Desire Disorder

By: Maegan

Maegan — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 15:18:20 +0000

I completely agree with you!

By: Susannah

Susannah — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:46:37 +0000

Read your Bible and pray. Prayer changes things. Especially read I Corinthians 13. Are you modeling that kind of love? That is what God expects from His children.

By: Beverly

Beverly — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 18:15:17 +0000

Just wanted to chime in and share that I also have a strong and loving relationship. We have always had a wonderful sex life even after having to wean myself from very unhealthy romance novels which created false expectations. We are 50ish and we still enjoy sex regularly. Indeed sometimes it is just sex but other times it is like being in heaven — not because of the act itself but because of the intimate connection that results from choosing to please each other in this and all areas in our lives. The other is always more important. Currently, I want sex more than my hubby but we make it work. In truth, it makes it a bit more exciting as I get to charge him up…Thanks Mark for giving us this wonderful sight and for all of your helps. We love Laugh Your Way….

By: SM

SM — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 23:42:18 +0000

That should have read:
“It is obvious from the comments here that *some* wives have higher sex drives than their husbands.”

I intended to add the following:

“Ask 100 women what they want more of from their husband and most of them will say they want him to pay more attention to them. Ask 100 guys what they want more of from their wife and most of them will say they want more sex… no surprise there!”

What is the source for this claim? I suspect that if asked again at different times throughout their relationship, these same 100 men and 100 women would give varying answers.

By: SM

SM — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:47:43 +0000

Stereotyping husbands as “red-blooded American men who are “sex-starved” and wives as “reticent, frigid, or uninterested” is really not helping the masses. It is disappointing, in particular, that Christians continue to propogate negative stereotypes towards women. It is obvious from the comments here that wives have higher sex drives than their husbands. In my 22 year marriage, it is the wife with the stronger sex drive and who has been rejected not for health reasons but simply b/c a handful of times a year is sufficent for the husband.

As stated, Mark may be funny but the stereotyping and one-sided “advice” prevents him from helping more people whose lives are affected by non-gendered issues such as unmatched sex drives. Even the idea that men have a “nothing” box at which they spend the largest part of their time thinking of nothing but also think about sex every 7 seconds (depending on whose stats you quote)cannot both exist. How can they both be true unless it is just wrong.

By: Miranda

Miranda — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:11:23 +0000

I wish I would have read this years ago. It describes why my husband and my entire marriage shut down. 4 years ago my marriage was dead. My husband had to shut himself off to any kind of attraction to me in order to protect his heart from my constant rejection as all attention was viewed by me as a means to an end and sex was maybe once a month if we were lucky. 4 years ago I prayed for a miracle in my marriage and for God to change me into the wife that my huband needed me to be instead of the prayer that I had prayed for years for God to change my husband. We have now been married for 20 years and are having really good sex just about daily. In all of the hurt that I have read in these responses, God can fix all of them. My husband looked at porn too – now he has pictures of me so he doesn’t need to look at strangers. It has taken my husband longer to let go of the past as he is still I think waiting for me to reject him again, but as long as he keeps treating me the way he now treats me I feel like the most loved woman in the world and my desire is to please him. It has become a positive cycle instead of a negative cycle. I give God all the glory and I am happier than I have ever in my life been. We are like newlyweds without all the awkward getting to know you stuff and it is wonderful!

By: Laurie

Laurie — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:12:23 +0000

Tina,

Yes, another part of the problem is that he’ll take whatever I give, but when it comes to him taking the time to really love me, it doesn’t happen. I honestly cannot remember once in our 16 years of marriage where he took the time to really romance me. It hurts so very much that I have pretty much shut down emotionally and sex has only become a physical release. Pretty sad way to live isn’t it? But really, what choice do we have?

By: Tina

Tina — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 12:49:51 +0000

How about when the roles are reversed. My husband wants the hugs and kisses and attention but not beyond that. He wants foreplay but doesn’t give me any. Do any other women out there have this problem?

By: Teri

Teri — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:07:05 +0000

After the kids are gone, or even before, have new experiences together; build new and different memories. Life can be enjoyable! Even more so with all of the “alone” time

By: Deb

Deb — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:14:22 +0000

Mark,
I NEVER say No to my husband….never have, never will! Our problem is not attention…it is that we are close to having all our kids gone and we have nothing to talk about anymore other than the kids and I’m afraid once they are gone we will lose our marriage… Does that sound crazy?
Deb